1248620 崔皓 第一次作业

Me in the eyes of others
This reminiscent topic reminds me of that afternoon at which I write my first composition in my life.
My Chinese teacher of primary school asked us to write a composition named “me”. And I still remember clearly, I write like that:
In my teachers’ eyes, I listen carefully at the class, try my every effort to finish homework, and help other classmates with their study. I am an industrious student in their eyes.
In my parents’ eyes, I study hard, keep my bedroom tidy and often help them with housework, I am a cute and clever boy in their eyes.
In my friends’ eyes I love reading, writing and playing games with them. I am a clever and amiable friend in their eyes.
I was so young and *** at that time. I only know that sunshine is warm, butterflies is beautiful and all the people around me love me. What I do not know is that cloud will cover sunshine, strong wind will disperse butterflies and I could not be loved by all people.
Time goes by I grow older and older, I found that I was no longer a diligent student, I was no longer a lovely child and I am no longer a little boy. I found mustaches has crawled on my lips, I found my little hand has become greater and greater and I found innocent smiles has perished from my face.
I found teachers did not praise me anymore, and they demand me study harder and harder. I found my parents did not called me little baby any more, but to call my real name. I found my friends did not like me as much as before, and they even misunderstand and blame on me sometimes. Sometimes, someone told me that I am too sensitive, while someone told me not to be so doltish. Or I will be suggested that I should be more active in the group at the morning, then I will be demanded not to be so conspicuous. I felt terribly bad, I often think about the past and become wistful.
Until one day, I saw two mirrors stand together, one is integral and the other is broken. In the broken mirror, I saw a totally different image of myself. I finally realized the fact that not every mirror can reflect true images and not everyone could give us a meaningful comment. I do not need to satisfy everyone. What matters is that take my own responsibility and become a grown man.

思路设计的还是非常不错的，其实前面写作文的事可以换成对自己小时候的一个描写，那时候人们眼里“我”是怎样的，然后随着年龄的增长，“我”的身上失去了哪些东西，变成了一个什么样的人，但同时又获得了一些以前没有的特质，最后再用你的结论就扣题了。

谢谢老师啦，那麻烦老师您看我的作文句法语法哪里有问题呢

语法方面啊，比如“This reminiscent topic reminds me of that afternoon at which I write my first composition in my life.”这里at which应该换成when，另外 In my parents’ eyes, I study hard, keep my bedroom tidy and often help them with housework, I am a cute and clever boy in their eyes.没有关系的句子直接用逗号连接， "I found innocent smiles has perished from my face."其实我更喜欢fade这个词，有点逐渐的感觉。 “I found my parents did not called me little baby any more, but to call my real name.” 一般我们指的是full name吧，把full name提前，后面用instead of会连贯一点。