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1248510 胡鸥 第一次作业

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帖子  huou 周五 九月 12, 2014 9:18 am

as soon as I saw the topic of this composition, the answer has come to me, because I have ever thought this question and I know what kind of person I am.
there is no doubt that the college changed me. In the eyes of my high school classmates, I was a quite, hard-working, shy girl. Most of my time, I was buried in the study, I didn't like to talk to classmates, honestly, I was afraid of talking to them because of my shyness. hand in the homework on time and get a high score deeply impressed on my classmates, in addition to my intovert, which scared lots of my classmates away. They thought I was unwilling to make friends with them and even I had some pride and prejudice. This was the fact that they misunderstood me, I became another person after I came to college, it's real me. surprisingly I adjusted to the new environment quickly and my personality changed unconsciously. I took active part in many activities and talk to new friends actively. For the part of my college friends, they thought I am a easy-going and warm-hearted person. they were delighted to share their secrets with me and asked me for help, uncertainly they trusted me and regarded me as a true friend.
college is a fresh start for me and it changed me but in the eyes of my parents, I still a little girl, a pure girl. college must have some setback that I have to deal with by myself, as many experiences as I have, they thought it's nothing compared with theirs, they want to protect me forever.

huou

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帖子  Admin 周五 九月 12, 2014 2:54 pm

其实高中这段是很好的叙述,scare away也是很生动的表达,类似的我们可以试试distance from,impenetrable shell等,只是这里有点点到为止的感觉,细节上可以再加强一下。还是我们课上说的,对于I等人称代词的使用还是要多考虑下,比如Shyness inhibited her from speaking.这种表达就把She放在宾语部分。“hand in the homework on time and get a high score deeply impressed on my classmates”这句话主语部分过长,因此会显得头重脚轻,另外这句话本身和上下文并没有联系,应该是当时想到就加进去的吧,请今后务必在连贯与衔接多加思考。

Admin
Admin

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帖子  杨欣 周六 九月 13, 2014 4:02 pm

Most of my time, I was buried in the study, I didn't like to talk to classmates, honestly, I was afraid of talking to them because of my shyness.缺少连词 Shocked

杨欣

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帖子  杨欣 周六 九月 13, 2014 4:07 pm


pride and prejudice很好Razz , they thought I am a easy-going 应该是an college must have some setback that 忘了加s.
huou
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查阅用户资料 发送一个私人信息

杨欣

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