第一次作业 1248511 代丽

As is well-known that different people has different opinion for the same person. Therefore, I frequently ask my friends:what kind of person I am?” The coordinated answer I get is that they regard me as a quiet and shy girl at their first sight.whereas, they complementally explain that I am not indifferent but enthusiastic, and I looks very kind. One of my friends reminds me of a significant things I have done last summer in HangZhou . We spend our summer vacation there and enjoyed ourselves. When it’s time for us to catch the train to home, an aunt walked toward us with smiling and intercepted us, then she asked if we could help her-----to give her ten yuan for her train. Promptly, My friend whispered: “she must be a cheater, we can’t believe her.lets catch our train. we can’t miss it. Now, it’s no time.” She shook my hand, but ignoring her action, I still stared at the poor women. Looking at me in astonishment , she worried:“there are so many people, but why she asks us for help. Moreover, I still doubt that she is not need of any money. You better think it all over.” As soon as she said, I found a twenty in my pocket and handed the women with saying nothing. When we turned to leave, the aunt grasped my hand tightly with tears in her eyes and said:“ among so many people in the train station, I am only sure that you will help me and believe what I told you, because your appearance tells me you are a kind girl, and the fact has proved that I am right.thank you. I wish you good health and a happy family.” As a result, my friend labeled the word ---kind for me from then on.
This is I, a shy and quiet girl, with a kind heart loving my life and my surroundings.

有完整的叙事非常好，整个细节也很完整，但是前面的开篇部分和后面不是特别对应，前面介绍了好几种并列的性格，最后说了kind，而后面整个故事都是说kindness，所以前面最好也把友善这一点突出，这样才连贯。另外注意一下时态和单复数，比如women，woman等，搭配上“different people has different opinions”，两个different就显得重复了，可以试试vary，另外I am not indifferent but enthusiastic，enthusiastic解释的话是feeling or showing a lot of excitement and interest about sb/sth，所以可能helpful或者be ready to help others才是indifferent的反义词，“an aunt walked toward us with smiling and intercepted us”，aunt至少一定是亲属或者父母的女性朋友，这里不相识的人最好还是称之为lady，intercept好像有点太暴力了 Shocked ，和with smile对比更不合适了。

文章以具体的事例来表现自己kind 性格，真实可信，以kind 为主要特点，可以试着在前面加以强调。另外，文章有一些语法错误，如第一句我认为as改为it 更合适一点，叙事时的动词时态 spend 应为 spent，主谓一致的使用如people一般为复数。最后，你可以试着在最后一段进行总结延伸，让文章更有表现力！整体来看，文章主题明显，叙事清晰，语句较顺畅，不错！加油