1048515戴娜写作第一次作业me in the eyes of other people

Me in the Eyes of Other People
I have heard a story from the Internet.
There is an artist famous for his portrait painting. He pains for everyone but himself. One of his friend is curious, “Why don’t you paint for yourself? I believe you can have the best self-portrait!”
The artist answers, “No, I do not want to paint myself. It is too hard.”
“Really? What makes it so difficult?” His friend is confused.
“Well, if you paint others, even a stranger, you can catch every detail on his face by watching carefully. But painting yourself is totally different. ” The artist said. “For example, please close your eyes and think of your mother.”
This friend follows the artist’s order, and his mother’s image appears in his mind clearly.
Suddenly, the artist asks this friend to think of himself. This friend finds that he can hardly recall the detail of his own face.
This friend finally understands the artist’s sadness. The artist cannot paint himself because he knows too little about himself.
This story tells me that the person I know the least is myself! My true image is in the eyes of other people.
I can not help recalling my experience of learning driving.
This summer, I followed my father’s wish and learned how to drive. All the years I had heard a lot of stories about car accidents happened to the beginners. Therefore, I feel nervous when I touched the car for the first time.
The first three days, my coach sat in the car with me and he taught me how to drive. I had made many mistakes in those three days because I was nervous as well as I had no experience before. I could not see how my car went since I was in the car. I wanted the estimate from my coach. But he did not say anything so I thought he was not satisfied. I felt a little frustrated at that time.
After three days, my coach asked me to drive by myself and he would watch me outside.
Without my coach in the car, I felt even more nervous. I drove very slowly and tried to make fewer mistakes. When I got off the car, I thought I did a terrible work and waited for my coach’s criticism.
To my surprise, my coach did not blame me for my mistakes. He pointed out some mistakes, and then he said, considering my driving experience I did quiet a good job today. It turned out my worries were all unnecessary.
From this experience, I understand that what I think of myself is probably wrong. Actually, not only the estimate of my work, but also the right estimate of my personality lies in the eyes of other people. I should listen to other people’s advice and improve myself.

文中连接词和过渡词稍欠丰富，内容基本连贯；能使用一些结构简单的长句，但是不能够熟练运用，学术词汇不够丰富，建议平时多积累，做的比较好的是时态的使用上比较一致。内容上看，前面的故事其实和后面学车的经历，两者的联系并不是很密切，在选择材料时希望以后能多思考一下。另外在一篇文章里用相同的篇幅去叙述两个故事，感觉没有什么侧重点，叙事过程中缺乏语言和节奏上的变化，因而略显平淡。一些表达方式需要注意下，如I followed my father's wish (倒不如直接说I was persuaded by my father或者convinced by ...)，accidents happened to the beginners (rookie dirvers?)，not only the estimate of my work, but also the right estimate of my personality lies in the eyes of other people (这句话我不太明白你想表达的意思，至少etismate放在这肯定不合适)。希望今后写作，能在构思和用词上多下功夫。