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1048601 周二 十一月 06, 2012 4:22 pm
Education can change fate
Can education change fate? Maybe many people often ask themselves. If education can’t change fate, why have we to study and why do some poor people send their children to excellent schools ? In my opinion, education can change fate. In the meanwhile, I think that education is equal to everyone, both to poor people and rich people.
I will expound my point in the following aspects. First, the government can help the poor people. They can apply to student grant which can pay their tuition. For the rich people, they don’t need to apply. There are many students in good schools of most cities. But not everyone is rich, not everyone can afford the tuition. So the government can help the poor students receive education. Therefore, it’s equal. Second, most poor students learn harder than the others, they can study hard to win scholarship. They understand to value the hard-won chance. They know that they must study hard to return the country. If the government doesn’t help them, they will not have the chance to study. For them, education is the best way to change fate, it can help them leave their small cities and can help them go into the big cities. Maybe you will be succeed in the small city, but in the big city you will have much chance to catch success. Someone has the opposite point, there are many ways to success, they think. For example, if you have strength, you can do the jobs about strength. If you have courage, you can do the jobs about invest or adventure. But I don’t agree. If you receive education, you will study much knowledge, you can choose many jobs. And if you have good records, you will find a good job. Maybe it isn’t absolute, but the good record is the stone to success. Finally, if you don’t have decent education, you won’t know much things. When you have enough knowledge, you can devote yourself to the country. So, the first thing that you must do now is accepting education, and then you can do everything that you want.
In one word, education can change fate, both to the poor people and the rich people.
Can education change fate? Maybe many people often ask themselves. If education can’t change fate, why have we to study and why do some poor people send their children to excellent schools ? In my opinion, education can change fate. In the meanwhile, I think that education is equal to everyone, both to poor people and rich people.
I will expound my point in the following aspects. First, the government can help the poor people. They can apply to student grant which can pay their tuition. For the rich people, they don’t need to apply. There are many students in good schools of most cities. But not everyone is rich, not everyone can afford the tuition. So the government can help the poor students receive education. Therefore, it’s equal. Second, most poor students learn harder than the others, they can study hard to win scholarship. They understand to value the hard-won chance. They know that they must study hard to return the country. If the government doesn’t help them, they will not have the chance to study. For them, education is the best way to change fate, it can help them leave their small cities and can help them go into the big cities. Maybe you will be succeed in the small city, but in the big city you will have much chance to catch success. Someone has the opposite point, there are many ways to success, they think. For example, if you have strength, you can do the jobs about strength. If you have courage, you can do the jobs about invest or adventure. But I don’t agree. If you receive education, you will study much knowledge, you can choose many jobs. And if you have good records, you will find a good job. Maybe it isn’t absolute, but the good record is the stone to success. Finally, if you don’t have decent education, you won’t know much things. When you have enough knowledge, you can devote yourself to the country. So, the first thing that you must do now is accepting education, and then you can do everything that you want.
In one word, education can change fate, both to the poor people and the rich people.
1048601- 帖子数 : 5
注册日期 : 12-09-02
Comments：
1048612-潘庆飞 周四 十一月 08, 2012 6:14 am
1048601 写道:Education can change fate
Can education change fate? Maybe many people often ask themselves. If education can’t change fate, why have we to 【1】study and why do some poor people send their children to excellent schools ? In my opinion【2】, education can change fate. In the meanwhile【3】, I think that education is equal to everyone, both to poor people and rich people【4】.
I will expound my point in the following aspects.【5】 【6】First, the government can help the poor people.【7】 They can apply to student grant which can pay their tuition.【8】 For the rich people, they don’t need to apply. There are many students in good schools of most cities.【9】 But not everyone is rich, not everyone can afford the tuition. So the government can help the poor students receive education. 【10】Therefore, it’s equal. Second, most poor students learn harder than the others, they can study hard to win scholarship. They understand【11】 to value the hard-won chance. They know that they must study hard to return the country.【12】 If the government doesn’t help them, they will not have the chance to study. For them, education is the best way to change fate, it can help them leave their small cities and can help them go into the big cities.【13】 Maybe you will be succeed【14】 in the small city, but in the big city you will have much 【15】chance to catch success. Someone【16】 has the opposite point, there are many ways to success【17】, they think. For example, if you have strength, you can do the jobs about strength.【18】 If you have courage, you can do the jobs about invest or adventure.【19】 But I don’t agree. If you receive education, you will study much knowledge, you can choose many jobs. And if you have good records【20】, you will find a good job. Maybe it isn’t absolute, but the good record is the stone 【21】to success. Finally, if you don’t have decent education, you won’t know much things.【22】 When you have enough knowledge, you can devote yourself to the country. So, the first thing that you must do now is accepting education, and then you can do everything that you want. 【23】
In one word, education can change fate, both to the poor people and the rich people.【24】
My Comments:
【1】...why have we to...:应该说...why do we have to...
【2】"in my opinion"为多余的
【3】'in the meanwhile'这个词组的意思为“同时；在此期间”，用在此处似乎并不恰当
【4】'both to poor people and rich people'略显啰嗦，可改为“both to the poor and the rich”
【5】"I will expound my point in the following aspects."这句话可删掉
【6】写到这里，你的topic不是很明确，是“教育可以改变命运”还是“教育对每个人都是平等的”
【7】“First, the government can help the poor people.”这个观点有点大，如果后面具体列出几点government帮助poor people 的方式倒还可以，入股后面只有一种给学生提供助学金（贷款）的话，最好还是把这个总的观点写得更具体些，如：First,the government is offering help to the poor by granting students subsidies.然后后面再给予具体陈述
【8】这句首先“apply to”使用不当，我想作者的意思是“提供”，可改为“supply sb. with sth.”或其他表示提供的词组。然后个人认为这句最好写成被动句“the poor students can obtain subsidies supplied by the school and government to pay for a certain part of their tuitions ”
【9】"There are many students in good schools of most cities"这句读上去略有混乱，可改为"In the most cities in our country,it always exists that there are many students whose families are affordable enough to send their children to elicit schools. "
【10】这句话有歧义，“政府可以帮贫困生接受教育”。。。
【11】"understand"用的有些别扭，他们懂得珍惜难得的机会，可以这样写：they are inclined to grab the rare opportunities
【12】"study hard to return the country"意思没有表达的完整。。。可改为:they know they must study hard to make achievements and can finally go back to devote what they have learned to promoting the development of their villages
【13】" it can help them leave their small cities and can help them go into the big cities."这句真啰嗦。。。把相同成分合并下，可以用固定搭配“leave from...to...”
【14】“be succeed”语法错误，应为"be successful"
【15】 "much chance"改为"much more chance"
【16】"someone"改为"some people"
【17】如果另起一句的话，前面要用句号！还有"success"改为"succeed"
【18】谁没有strenghth 呢？
【19】不是有勇气就可以去投资和探险的。。。而且投资也不属于job
【20】什么叫"good records"？
【21】"the stone"改为“the stepping stone”
【22】语法错误就不说了。。。这句可直接改为"you won't be exposed to a large scale of knowledge"
【23】好随意的一句话，太随你的风格了！>.<
【24】总结太简单。。。
总评:
写文章不能只知道怎么从中文翻译成英文，也要看看合不合逻辑，有木有条理；还有论点要明确，这篇作文似乎有两个论点。。。；小错误偏多，上面改了一些，还存在一些相信你也可以发现，写完后一定要好好通读几遍~建议：在写议论文之前最好先列个提纲，把每一点都列好了再写，以便心中有数，写出来也会更有条理性，更加清晰！
1048612-潘庆飞- 帖子数 : 10
注册日期 : 12-09-01
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