peer editting (窦莉莉）by Jack Dong

Social inequalities exist between races, classes and countries and the results of such social inequalities can be seen around the globe in the history of all countries. The reasons for social inequalities can vary , but are often broad and far reaching . However , among the various reasons , education ,I think ,is the crucial reason for social inequalities .
第一段交代本文主要写的是社会不公平，然后由大及小，直接点出下面将围绕教育与不公平进行论证，观点清晰明确。
First of all , people of different classes receive different education . A new Schott Foundation for Public Education report , “A Rotting Apple : Education Redlining in New York City “, reveals that the communities where most of the city’s poor , black and Hispanic students live suffer from New York policies and practices that give their schools the fewest resources and their students the least experienced teachers . In contrast , the best –funded schools with the highest percentage of experienced teachers are most often located in the most economically advantaged neighborhoods . As a result , students in high-poverty areas perform well（1） , from which we can see social classes determine the education students receive and at the same time , the education they receive determines their future status , that’s what we often called “vicious circle ”.
本段作者引用了一篇报道，是说教育的环境会决定学生的表现。不过有一点我没明白，可能是作者笔误，因为划黄线一句（1）以上说的是穷人和富人家孩子的好的和坏的上学环境，可是黄线句却说贫困区的学生表现的好，这点不是很理解。“vicious circle ”是恶性循环的意思，最后在一段结尾讲出本段想要说明的问题，紧扣主题，结构明确。
Next , the inequality even appears from the initial period of education – kindergarten . As is known to all , education plays an significant（2） and essential role in one’s life . If we admit what acquired education can affect people , just as I mentioned before , can be ignored , but the initial education should be paid more attention(3) . What is taught in childhood almost determines what he or she will be , because in this period , what one learns will influence one’s values . However , different sizes of kindergartens have different teaching staff and equipments . As a result , social inequality even appears in this period .
（2）冠词不当，应该用a
(3)个人觉得此处应该在attention后加一个to
本段作者想要说明即使在幼儿园教学的阶段，也是要存在不公平的。但是我觉得，本段说理不是很强烈，读过之后并不能产生像上一段那样的信服感。而且，幼儿园的确是一个很重要的阶段，但是作者并没有拿出像文中所说的那种重要性的证明。
Finally , people who have higher education is more competent in finding jobs than those who have lower education（4） . Most concretely, having a good education greatly improves the likelihood of finding a job and earning enough money. Highly-educated individuals are less affected by unemployment trends, typically because educational attainment makes an individual more attractive in the workforce. Across OECD countries, men with university-level degrees are 18% more likely to find jobs than those with only a secondary school diploma, and women are 32% more likely. Lifetime earnings also increase with each level of education attained.
（4）建议此处换个说法。个人觉得可以换成those who are not highly-educated。这样也可以与下文呼应，同时还可以避免education在同一句话里反复出现。
Above all , we can see that education , no matter higher education or initial education , all plays an important role in one’s life . It can influence one’s values , prospect and even development . Therefore , to be brief , education is the main reason for social inequality .
最后一段总结教育在人生中占有很重要的一部分较有说服力，但是觉得最后一句突然就说到了教育是社会不公平的主要原因还是有一些突兀。个人觉得作者可以在陈述过教育的一系列关键之处之后，然后再稍加说明教育对于社会不公平的一些“贡献”，点明自己的观点。

总结：就本文的语言应用方面，本人觉得词汇丰富，应用也很熟练，但是逻辑方面还有一点欠妥的地方。不过总的来说很不错，值得我学习的地方有很多，同时我也希望作者可以参考我的意见，对作文进一步改进。谢谢！

1048317 董星池

1.引用调查那个实例，我想表达的是教育和地位是有关系的。可能贫困区的学生成绩好这个事实确实不利于论证观点~~~
2.关于幼儿园的那个论证，我想表达的是教育的起点很重要，但是幼儿园的选择又和经济实力会有关系，和第一点会有重合，所以就没有再用事实论述
我的这篇作文论证确实不严密，逻辑不清楚，还要有待改正的~~