Higher Education and Inequity

Thirty four years has passed since the policy reform and opening-up was raised in 1978.China has already become an important power in the international society. While with the development of politics, economy and culture, some universal problems in developing countries spring out widely and seriously in China. We have waged wars on poverty for decades, but the number of people whose living condition under standard is amazingly huge; we swear to perish inequity, but more and more “products” produced by higher education showing their bad behaviors lead us to think: our country’s policies indeed let more Chinese receive higher education, but in the shade of it, hide the irresponsibility, corruption, high IQ criminal and etc, which make us question: can higher education really perish inequity?
Let me show you a number first, the average acceptance rate of 2012 national college entrance exam is nearly 80%, but the rate of college student who get a job after graduation in 2011 is 69.1%. It means every 100 students, 20 of them won’t enter college; 11 of them will graduate from college but won’t get a job; the others will have jobs, but what their salaries are not known. Besides, the students who have enrolled into college have different backgrounds, suppose, if some of those 11 jobless graduates who are from poor families, it is absolutely to add burden to their families; further more, even if they have jobs, they must feed themselves first, if their earnings can hardly make themselves enough, how will they contribute to their families? Let me fix my eyes from person to group, inequity faces every aspects of the society, but the main contrast of inequity is the diversity of wealth. The poor who receive higher education is to reduce the gap between the rich and themselves, but it turns out that it hardly comes true. The absolute gap between the poor and the rich is greater under the drag of higher education. The relative inequity thus becomes fiercer and stronger. If our government can’t publish better solutions and policies, higher education can only be the helper to inequity.

1.Thirty four years has passed since the policy reform and opening-up was raised in 1978.China has already become an important power in the international society.
1).超过十的数字就不需要在拼写了，所以应该为34 years have passed ....
2).改革开放政策正确的翻译为"the policy of reform and opening-up" 或者"reform and opening-up policy"

2.While with the development of politics, economy and culture, some universal problems in developing countries spring out widely and seriously in China.
while是连词，后面应该加句子，不应加名词词组

3.We have waged wars on poverty for decades, but the number of people whose living condition under standard is amazingly huge; we swear to perish inequity, but more and more “products” produced by higher education showing their bad behaviors lead us to think: our country’s policies indeed let more Chinese receive higher education, but in the shade of it, hide the irresponsibility, corruption, high IQ criminal and etc, which make us question: can higher education really perish inequity?
1).whose living condition under standard 这个定语从句中缺少表语，应该是"whose living condition are substandard"
2).behavior是不可数名词
3).etc前不需要再加and，或者是and so on
4)."but more and more “products” produced by higher education showing their bad behaviors lead us to think"这句话用两个后置定语修饰了"products"，我觉得有些不恰当，语法上有错误
这一句话提出本文的论点，直接了当

4.Let me show you a number first, the average acceptance rate of 2012 national college entrance exam is nearly 80%, but the rate of college student who get a job after graduation in 2011 is 69.1%. It means every 100 students, 20 of them won’t enter college; 11 of them will graduate from college but won’t get a job; the others will have jobs, but what their salaries are not known.
用数据说话，有说服力
最后一小句，应该是"what their salaries are are not known"

5.Let me fix my eyes from person to group, inequity faces every aspects of the society, but the main contrast of inequity is the diversity of wealth
从个人到整体进行论证
face不如改成"exit in"

文章论点鲜明，也有论证，不过论证的过程略显牵强，不够有说服力。另外，文章的分段有些问题，我觉得可以把解决方法单列一段比较好。不过思路很明确，能提出问题，解决问题。继续加油啦~~~~~

34 years has passed since the policy of reform and opening-up was raised in 1978.China has already become an important power in the international society. While Chinese politics, economy and culture develop, some universal problems in developing countries spring out widely and seriously in China. We have waged wars on poverty for decades, but the number of people whose living condition are substandard is amazingly huge; we swear to perish inequity, but more and more “products” produced by higher education that show their bad behavior lead us to think: our country’s policies indeed let more Chinese receive higher education, but in the shade of it, hide the irresponsibility, corruption, high IQ criminal and so on, which make us question: can higher education really perish inequity?
Let me show you a number first, the average acceptance rate of 2012 national college entrance exam is nearly 80%, but the rate of college student who get a job after graduation in 2011 is 69.1%. It means every 100 students, 20 of them won’t enter college; 11 of them will graduate from college but won’t get a job; the others will have jobs, but what their salaries are is unknown. Besides, the students who have enrolled into college have different backgrounds, suppose, if some of those 11 jobless graduates who are from poor families, it is absolutely to add burden to their families; further more, even if they have jobs, they must feed themselves first, if their earnings can hardly make themselves enough, how will they contribute to their families? Let me fix my eyes from person to group, inequity faces every aspects of the society, but the main contrast of inequity is the diversity of wealth. The poor who receive higher education is to reduce the gap between the rich and themselves, but it turns out that it hardly comes true. The absolute gap between the poor and the rich is greater under the drag of higher education. The relative inequity thus becomes fiercer and stronger. If our government can’t publish better solutions and policies, higher education can only be the helper to inequity.

前面有点啰嗦了，其实可以更早点切入正题。后面的论述有些力度不足，请再和搭档讨论一下。