第四次作业 1048209 姜慧琪

原作者：1048213 祖思佳
搭档：1048209 姜慧琪
Is Higher Education an Engine of Inequality
In realistic life , we have to recognize that economy has extremely big effects on higher education .（两句中加一个连接词更好点therefore）It is a little difficult for the students from poor families to take and smoothly complete higher education .In many cases, students accepted higher education may have better future than the others(句子中两个动词, 改为accepting or who accept). So can we get the conclusion that higher education is an engine of inequality ? No , we can’t .
Owing to lack higher education , some students from poor families apparently lack ability and fundamental skills to occupy(胜任工作感觉occupy 不恰当，改为be adequate or competence for) some well-paied jobs(拼写错误well-paid). This may cause that they lose many opportunities to achieve the farther value(realize the potential value) of their lives . It is imaginable that most of them can not have better future(缺少不定冠词应为a better future) than the rich students(改为ones) . But it is not the fault of higher education, which is not an engine of inequality (感觉higher education is not an engine of inequality 是观点，这里用which clause 意思是一个事实了。改为which I think is not an engine of inequality). On the contrary , higher education can not only change one’s life , but also narrow the gap between the poor and the rich . Students from poor families can change their lives by higher education(by taking higher education) . If the students drop out at young age(at a young age) instead of studying , they won’t have the chance to live a higher quality life(a life of higher quality) as the rich people .[They do not have chance to make friends with the people from higher class ]（感觉与本文无关）.
Once they begin to work , their life can not have much changes( have much change) . There will be a big gap between the poor and rich all the time . However , if the poor(去掉poor) students from poor families accept(按照本文的意思，贫穷的学生都想接受高等教育，这个句子的意思应该是如果穷困的学生接受了高等教育，所以把accept换成receive) higher education , the life will be totally different .Nowadays , our nation and government have taken many profitable policies to help poor students finish higher education . They do need have much money to buy the luxury(根据上下文，这句话表达的意思是他们不必花很多钱付学费这样的事情，但是表达成另外一种意思了，改为they do not have to pay high tuition fees) . They just need to pay for the daily life spending .So i t is not too hard for them to complete the higher education with the help of the walfare（拼写错误welfare）from school and government . Then the students can get jobs by themselves and get benefits all their lives(此处意思为终身受益，感觉表达不恰当，改为get benefit their whole life) . So they don’t have to live the poor life as their parents( a life as poor as their parents do). Their lives are totally changed by higher education . After getting jobs , they will build families in the cities .Althrough(拼写错误although) the process is filled with bitter and hardship（改为is full of bitter and hardships好点） , their next generation can（can是能，应该是也许能，改为may） benefit a lot from it . Their children can have the same opportunities with the rich children to complete in the future . So they may make big progress to contribute their next generation(感觉不恰当，改为so they may make a great contribution to their children) .
From the facts (加上I have mentioned ), we can see that higher education can also lessen the gap between the rich and the poor . It is the best tool for our society to reduce inequality .
在文章中已经把句子该了，以下是个人对本文的看法：
1、标点符号的使用，一个单词、词组、或句子写完了，需要用标点符号，应在其后直接加标点，然后再与下一个单词有一个空格符就行了。如：In realistic life , we have to recognize that economy has extremely big effects on higher education .改为In realistic life, we have to recognize that economy has extremely big effects on higher education.
2、我改的很多点时很小的问题，像拼写错误，简单的语法错误。希望以后稍加注意这方面。
3、本文的主要对立体是家庭贫困学生和家庭富裕学生，两者之间的不同是因为有无金钱，我虽然承认有无金钱会关系到能否上大学，但是不觉得只要接受高等教育就能改变命运，就能在城市里生活。
4、文章中有很多hasty generalization，如：If the students drop out at young age(at a young age) instead of studying , they won’t have the chance to live a higher quality life(a life of higher quality) as the rich people .[They do not have chance to make friends with the people from higher class ]（感觉与本文无关）. Once they begin to work , their life can not have much changes( have much change) .
5、本文也缺点例证，所举例子太少，不足以推出higher education is not an engine of inequality。多列举几个事例更好一点。
6、跟我一样，思佳的语言也很“质朴”，质朴到没有多少“华丽”的语言，建议我们多写多练。