1048415 刘莹芳 第三次作业 关于education ~

What can we learn from the United States in education
As we all known,education is closely related to the politics, economics, science culture and military of a country.It has become a symbol of the national power.Obviously,American education level is relatively well.That's why it attracts a large number of oversea students. With the development of economy, China attracts a lot of oversea students in recent years as well, but there are still many defects in Chinese education system.Thus ,here I will tell what we should learn from the United States by comparing the education in China and the United States.
Firstly,the culture tradition is the essential factor that leads to the education differences between China and America.The traditional culture of China is established in a relatively closed environment,which cause the Chinese prefer to maintain the status quo .Comparatively,American love innovation and adventure. They has a tendency of continuous improvement, guiding people and society to excellence and perfection.Therefore, being influenced by the tradition, Chinese education attach importance to prominent the basic knowledge and place more emphasis on obedience and respect. .Surely there is nothing wrong to pay attention to the basic knowledge.However, the society changes so fast while our teaching contents ,especially the elementary teaching materials, didn't update for several years. I think this is why Chinese education is poorer than American education. In this case,we should learn from the America to attach great importance to the cultivation of creative ability .
Secondly,the United States, operated under a democratic government that values free speech, follows an educational system that encourages students to express their opinions freely.Comparatively, China emphasizes that we are supposed to learn habitually.In this way, the American systems of education produce leaders and entrepreneurs while the Chinese system produces workers and followers.Thus,schools should encourage students to think more and we should learn from the United States to emphasize more individuality and personality.
Thirdly,compared with the United States,the student assessment in China leads to unequality in many areas.For example, in the college application process ,the American colleges use a comprehensive application system that takes into account a student’s high school grades, standardized test scores, extracurricular activities, teacher recommendations, application essay and a personal interview. However,college acceptance in China is determined entirely by the college entrance examination . This final examination leads to a tremendous amount of pressure on students to work hard all year, particularly in the final months of senior year. What's worse, the test is only given once a year, and if a student is sick that day, he or she must delay college for a year until the test is offered again. Thus ,this kind of students assessment put students on a different life path unequally. Therefore,China should learn from America in assessing students.
In conclusion,there is no doubt that we should learn American advanced education system, but not just follow without resolution, not abandon all of our own way of teaching. We should develop a education system that is most appropriate to our national conditions.

首先文章开篇冠以“What Can We Learn From the United States in Education"(注意一下标题的大写哦~）可以看出作者对中国教育体制存在多少不满，标题直接了当一针见血 ，我喜欢。文章总体脉络比较清晰，充分利用comparison and contrast 的写作方法，即通过比较中美教育体制的不同，得出我们应该向美国学习什么的观点。第一，中国传统酒比较保守，教育上也循规蹈矩，过于关注书本知识，而美国教育注重喜欢创新与开放，值得我们学习。第二，中国教育注重常规性的学习，而美国更加民主强调个性和人格的培养。第三中国的学生评估系统不够完善导致许多不公平的现象，美国评价学生考虑多方面的因素更加全面综合。
1.开篇写道“As we all known,education is closely related to the politics, economics, science culture and military of a country.It has become a symbol of the national power.”后文即是美国教育相对比较好，我觉得中间做一些过渡比较好例如“As a super power in the world, American is undoubtedly more advanced in it's education than any other countries."
2.本段第三句"Obviously,American education level is relatively well."education level is well搭配是不是不是太合适.我们可以说educational level is high or education is advanced。
3.“With the development of economy, China attracts a lot of oversea students in recent years as well, but there are still many defects in Chinese education system.”可以补充一点，换个说法试试，“with the development of economy,China has made a big progress in it's education,and it attracts a lot of oversea students in recent years as well, but there are still many defects in Chinese education system."
4.首段tell一词是不是过于口语化，建议替换为illustrate　
5.第二段名词修饰语问题注意一下culture tradition-cultural tradition ，education differences-educational difference 主谓一致：which cause-which causes .They has-they have
I think this is why Chinese education is poorer than American education. 中国落后于美国教育的原因不知这一点，这句有点绝对建议改为I think that is one of the reasons why Chinese education is poorer than American
6.总体来说第二段的段落发展读起来比较顺畅，仔细回味可以看出是一些连词的灵活运用使得文章自然生动比如说Comparatively，Therefore， Surely ，In this case，However等。值得我要好好学习哦。
7.相比较而言，第三段的阐述没有二四段充分详细但还是能表达出作者的观点。小的错误如"the United States, （being）operated under a democratic"..."follows ..system"搭配，额。。 。觉得不是太对劲自己看着办吧~"the American systems of education produce leaders and entrepreneurs while the Chinese system produces workers and followers."我觉得这句话很好，有很深刻的含义，但是作者没有再深入探讨一下，可以详细阐述一下或者提供一些例子，我觉得那样竟会更加完美啊~结论"United States to emphasize more individuality and personality"因为前文没有充分的细节支持显得力量不够，建议在前文再花点笔墨具体说明美国教育是怎么能够发展人的个性和人格的，嘿嘿~（期待你思想的碰撞擦出更明亮的的火花~.~)
8.第四段是细节材料中我最喜欢的一段，它道出了偶们高考过来人悲痛的经历啊 ！不仅如此，中美教育体制中优劣比较针锋相对，一目了然，读来很有感觉，可以看出作者很用心的发展了这一段， 一些连词运用增强了语气比如说For example ，However,What's worse（我最喜欢这一个！）Thus等。但是本段还是出现了一些小失误哦"the student assessment in China leads to unequality(inequality) ""and if a student is sick (on)that day",好的词组takes into account,determined entirely by "put ..on path"不知道有没有这一用法，求证...
9.最后一段我也比较喜欢，因为它运用了辩证的思维方式，虽然我们有许多要想美国教育体制学习的地方，但是我们却也不能盲目的跟随模仿，我们还应该发展处我们自己的特色，适合自己的教育体制。这种结尾话虽终了，余韵犹存值得借鉴。we should learn （from)American advanced education system,“but (we should)not just follow without resolution, not ( 建议替换为neither)abandon all of our own way（ways/merits) of teaching.
啰唆的说了这么多不知道有没有用处，不过在你的作文里我还学到不少东西，嘿嘿，加油啊

非常谢May很认真的批改 ，指出了我经常犯的一些错误。从中我学到了很多，比如标题的大小写（我平常不怎么注意 ）以后会多多注意的；而且我的有些词组搭配过于"中国化",以后写作文时要多查资料看看是否属于习惯表达。关于这篇文章中的其他细节我再在私下向你请教哈，多向你学习

What Can We Learn From the United States in Education
As we all known,education is closely related to the politics, economics, science culture and military of a country.It has become a symbol of the national power.As a super power in the world, American is relatively advanced in it's education than any other countries obviously.That's why it attracts a large number of oversea students. With the development of economy, China has made a big progress in it's education,and it attracts a lot of oversea students in recent years as well, but there are still many defects in Chinese education system.Thus ,here I will explain what we should learn from the United States by comparing the education in China and the United States.
Firstly,the cultural tradition is the essential factor that leads to the education differences between China and America.The traditional culture of China is established in a relatively closed environment,which causes the Chinese prefer to maintain the status quo .Comparatively,American love innovation and adventure. They has a tendency of continuous improvement, guiding people and society to excellence and perfection.Therefore, being influenced by the tradition, Chinese education attach importance to prominent the basic knowledge and place more emphasis on obedience and respect .Surely there is nothing wrong to pay attention to the basic knowledge.However, the society changes so fast while our teaching contents ,especially the elementary teaching materials, didn't update for several years. I think that is one of the reasons why Chinese education is poorer than American. In this case,we should learn from the America to attach great importance to the cultivation of creative ability .
Secondly,the United States, operated under a democratic government that values free speech, follows an educational system that encourages students to express their opinions freely.For example ,in US,students are encouraged to find their own answer to some open question while Chinese education tend to prefer the standard answer. Thus,comparatively, China emphasizes that we are supposed to learn habitually.In this way, the American systems of education produce leaders and entrepreneurs while the Chinese system produces workers and followers.Thus,schools should encourage students to think more and we should learn from the United States to emphasize more individuality and personality.
Thirdly,compared with the United States,the student assessment in China leads to inequality in many areas.For example, in the college application process ,the American colleges use a comprehensive application system that takes into account a student’s high school grades, standardized test scores, extracurricular activities, teacher recommendations, application essay and a personal interview. However,college acceptance in China is determined entirely by the college entrance examination . This final examination leads to a tremendous amount of pressure on students to work hard all year, particularly in the final months of senior year. What's worse, the test is only given once a year, and if a student is sick on that day, he or she must delay college for a year until the test is offered again. Thus ,this kind of students assessment put students on a different life path unequally. Therefore,China should learn from America in assessing students.
In conclusion,there is no doubt that we should learn from American advanced education system, but not just follow without resolution, neither abandon all of our own ways of teaching. We should develop a education system that is most appropriate to our national conditions.